47 years ago today, Lew and I began our journey as a married
couple. Today, as we drive away from Portal, AZ, we begin the “real” part of
our RV journey, leaving behind the familiar (California, Arizona, Utah, and
Colorado) as we venture out into the unknown – places all over the country, few
of which we’ve experienced before. The first 6 months were “scripted”, but from
now on, we have a less defined path to follow.
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| March 18, 1972 So Young! |
What
lay ahead of us 47 years ago was completely “unscripted!” Who could have
predicted that Lew would stay 20 years in the Air Force? Or that we would have
the opportunity to live and travel in Europe for three years? Or that we would
become the proud parents of two incredible daughters and grandparents of 3
wonderful boys? We didn’t know how living in such disparate places as Neu Ulm,
Germany, Panama City, FL, Eagle River, Alaska, or Colorado Springs would
broaden our understanding of our world… teach us… change us. Or how parenthood
would do the same! We didn’t know. But marriage is about sharing life’s experiences
with another person. And that’s what we’ve done. It’s about taking joy in
seeing someone else succeed and commiserating with them when things are tough.
It’s about knowing that everything isn’t about YOU. It’s been a journey of
self-discovery, a journey we have lovingly shared.
This
journey we are now on, a piece of the larger journey, has the potential to also
change us, to open our eyes, to teach us about the world. Already, in being
exposed to the Native American cultures of the southwest, our perspective has
been altered and our appreciation for their tenacity and strength, for their
values, for their perseverance in the face of adversity, has been enhanced. We
continue to be surprised at how people in power have treated (and continue to
treat) those whose way of life differs from theirs. And then there is the land
itself, from the Rocky Mountains, to the canyons and red rocks of Utah and
Northern Arizona, to the deserts and mountains of Southern California and
Arizona. The geology, the violent and powerful cataclysmic forces that formed these
landscapes, are incomprehensible and the beauty of it all sometimes takes our
breath away. Not in such a hurry, not rushing from point A to point B, like we
used to, we have allowed ourselves the time to drink in that beauty, that
tranquility, that peace that nature provides.
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| Late afternoon hike in the Chiricahua Mts near Portal, AZ |
A solid
marriage involves a large measure of give and take. It isn’t always easy,
learning how to give yourself to another person without losing yourself,
learning how to give in sometimes, when it’s appropriate, learning how to give
another person space to be him/herself, or continuing to give the time and
energy needed to keep the bond strong and the commitment real. And then there’s
the taking, taking what your partner offers you with gratitude, taking the time
to listen to one another, taking care to nurture yourself and your
relationship. Give and take. Balance. It isn’t always easy! But the giving and
the taking – it changes a person. I am not the same person I was 47 years ago,
and neither is Lew. We have grown, separately and together.
There
will be a lot of give and take on this trip. Living in such close quarters for
such a long period of time? Yes, a lot of give and take. We think we can do
this – after all, we’ve had a lot of practice. And we are learning to be quite
flexible because things don’t always work out as planned. Maybe it snows when
you had planned a hike in what should be warm southern Arizona! Or there are no
places to camp with the RV, so you settle for a parking lot. Or you have no
hook-ups and are freezing to death – well, maybe it’s not that bad, but it is
unexpectedly cold. Sometimes we won’t want to visit the same things, but we
will work that out, too. Lew gets to meet all my old friends from high school
and college and I get to visit his cousins in Minnesota. He gets to visit car
museums and I get to play a little tennis. We learn to accommodate.
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| Waking up to snow on March 16th in Portal, AZ |
A
journey can be a trip, from one place to another. But it can also be a passage,
from one stage to another. Our marriage
has been, and continues to be, a journey, a passage. We’ve gone from thinking
only of ourselves to thinking about another person, to worrying just about the
two of us, to considering the needs of two kids; from raising a family and
earning a living, to being empty-nesters, to caring for an elderly parent, to
being retired and free to pursue whatever we want. We are on THIS journey –
this RV trip – because we are healthy and well enough off to do it. We don’t know
what the next stage in our life journey may be, but we want to take advantage of the
stage we are in right now, soak up everything we can, see the country, meet new
people, experience new places – live life to the fullest, while we can. Isn’t
that, ultimately, what the grand journey is all about?
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